sometimes staying home is like a vision quest.

you don't always have to go up a mountain, or travel

vast distances to meet the world as it really is.  you can still fast,

go without water if you want to.  have morning coffee though,

if you normally.

be gentle.  be vigilant.  meet the careening armies of

your past with great strength (it's there), with wildflowers in your

hair and hands. employ all the animals you know - bears, rattlesnakes,

owls, cougars, wolverines, bumble bees, crows, ants -

on your behalf.   let them carry banners pronouncing,

"not here. not anymore. you may not remain here".

they will.  you are loved.  so much it's a matter of life and death.

it will seem strange.  it will seem like you don't deserve it.  you do.

but don't look to be liked.  don't look for answers.  or sources.

don't want to be healed.  or be over this.  keep very careful watch

on the soft ground you've cordoned off.  and then don't.

the trick, at first,  is being able to let things close, right up

to your line-in-the-sand

without letting them in.  they'll eventually lose interest.

but they won't disappear.  a breakthrough is to find that

you don't want them to.  it would be an augur that something is amiss.

they should come back from time to time.  that's perfectly normal.

they're part of you after all.  welcome them.   then dissolve them.

another breakthrough would be to see the world through them.

 at will.  with unbounded compassion. that is one definition

of 'unbounded compassion'.  another is to expect no thing.

and always remember to keep admiring the birds.